Have Mercy
by Liv Cassidy
Summary: "I thought you wouldn't be sentimental. I was wrong. I chose the wrong person." Meredith reflects on the horrible words Richard said to her at the end of "Everybody's Crying Mercy." Oneshot (MerDer)


**A/N - This one-shot picks up directly where last night's episode ended. What I think should happen next. MerDer.**

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"_Stop it. I didn't call you my family. I'm not your father. I chose you because I thought you could put emotion aside. And make the right call. I knew Bailey was too weak, but you… I thought I could trust, not to let them operate on me when I was all but...when I was all but dead. Not to bring me back to life, where I have to get my meals from a tube. I thought you wouldn't be sentimental. I was wrong. I chose the wrong person."_

_It's not a game anymore, and we're not kids. You can cry mercy all you want, but nobody's listening. It's just you screaming into a void._

Meredith's eyes were now a wet well of tears. A large lump coiled in the center of her throat. She'd come for him. She'd brought her week-old son to the hospital so she could make sure he was okay. All this time, she thought that his making her power of attorney meant that he considered her his family.

"_I thought you wouldn't be sentimental."_

What was wrong with her? She wasn't a sentimental person. After all, she had spent years telling Richard that he wasn't her father, and he never would be. Hell, he was the one who had ruined her parents' marriage. He was the one who drove her father away. It was his fault she'd had a crappy childhood. He was the reason for her misery. For many years, she had resented him, but she'd come to terms with what had happened. If Richard hadn't interfered with her life, then Lexie would not have been born. Of course, Lexie was dead now. Everyone was dying.

People come into the world, and then they die.

She wasn't supposed to care so much. She wasn't supposed to be the sentimental one. She shouldn't have let Bailey operate on him. She should have let him die. What the Hell were they thinking? You don't ask a woman who has just given birth to make life or death decisions.

"Mommy," she heard a voice from behind her. She turned around slowly, and she saw Derek with their son's stroller. Zola ran toward her and wrapped her arms around Meredith. Meredith made eye contact with Derek. She saw the bags of dark circles around his eyes.

"What's wrong, Meredith?" Derek asked quietly. He turned to Richard. "How are you feeling, Richard?"

Before Richard could answer Derek's question, Meredith picked up Zola and stood up. "Let's go," she in a rushed voice. "I'm exhausted, and I can't remember what it feels like to sleep for more than ten minutes at a time, and you look like you're about to pass out yourself."

"Shhh," Derek whispered, pointing to their son. "He's finally asleep."

The drive home was quiet, since they'd driven separately to the hospital. Zola rode with Meredith, and Derek took the baby. To both parents' delight, he was still sleeping when they pulled into the driveway.

In the house, Callie was snuggling with Sofia on the couch and reading her a story. Zola was eager to see her friend again.

"You both look beat," Callie observed. "You know, maybe it's true. There's a reason for everything. Maybe Arizona cheated on me so I would be here to lend you two an extra hand."

Derek laughed. "I don't know what we're going to do when you and Arizona finally make up."

"Yeah, I don't see that happening any time soon…" Callie trailed off quietly, observing that the baby was asleep in his stroller.

"Have any tips on how to get him to bed without waking him up?" Derek asked.

Meredith rested her elbow on the stroller and her eyes drifted shut.

"Why don't you two actually go sleep in your bedroom tonight, and I'll get the kids to bed?" Callie insisted. "Seriously, take the night off. You two deserve it."

Derek nudged Meredith, startling her.

"Are you sure?" Meredith mumbled.

"Of course she's sure," Derek said, wrapping his arms around Meredith and picking her up like a baby. He turned to Callie and mouthed, "Thank you." He carried his wife into the bedroom and gently set her on the bed. He then laid down next to her.

She opened her eyes and stared into her husband's weak, tired blue eyes. The accumulated week's exhaustion weighed down on her body; she wanted nothing more than to sleep, and now that she had the chance to sleep, she couldn't. Richard's words stuck in her head. She felt so pathetic and worthless. _I thought you wouldn't be sentimental._

"Meredith," Derek whispered hoarsely. "What happened between you and Richard?"

"Nothing," she murmured, now unable to hold her tears back. _I chose you because I thought you could put emotion aside. _She sniffled, and tears began to stream down her face. She rubbed her tears with her fist, and she cried harder.

Derek wrapped his arm around her, and held her close. He kissed her forehead.

"He said I'm not his family," Meredith cried out. "He said he chose me because he thought I would let him die. That I wouldn't be sentimental and would put emotion aside. I was supposed to let him die, Derek. I was supposed to let him die. I should have listened to Cristina."

He held her tighter and stroked her messy baby vomit-filled hair. She still hadn't taken a shower, considering the last time that she tried, she fell asleep outside the shower.

"I'm not cut out for motherhood," Meredith said. "What was I thinking? You said it best. I make a horrible mother. I have no business having a family. That's why Zola pees on me and the baby only sleeps when I'm nowhere in sight."

"Meredith," Derek said softly. "You're not a horrible mother; Zola pees on you because she loves you, and the baby apparently only sleeps when he's in that stroller. Besides, you know I didn't mean that when I said it. I was upset at the time, and Richard is very sick now. He's in pain, and he's not thinking clearly. People say things they don't mean when they're in pain."

"He obviously wasn't thinking clearly when he listed me as power of attorney, either!" Meredith shrieked. "Who asks a delusional, hormonal woman who's just given birth to make life or death decisions for them! Who does that? Seriously, Derek!"

"He couldn't have known that he would be electrocuted right after you'd given birth, Meredith," Derek said.

"How do you know? Maybe he purposely electrocuted himself. Maybe he wanted to die. He lost Adele not even a year ago, and he was depressed for awhile, then there was the whole thing with him and Bailey."

"You really are delusional and hormonal," Derek sighed, kissing her on the cheek. "Meredith, he wouldn't have chosen you if he didn't know you would do everything in your power to save his life. Hormones or no hormones, I've never met someone who cares more than you, and that's why I love you. Let's get some sleep. Richard will be fine, and when he is, he'll come to his senses. We're all going to be fine, and you are a great mother. Our children are lucky to have you."

"I'm not so sure about that," she mumbled. "I just wish someone would have mercy on me for once."

The baby's muffled cry sounded through the walls. Derek turned over and covered his head with his pillow.


End file.
